This is your shame, and every woman's shame.
is for violent, vacillant, vacant, vain.
Fend off the wolves, choke back the ruby cries
I seek out the mercy and the holy light,
again, again, again,
The minutes rush, flushed mouth drips dark with guttural cries
the orrr the gaz the mmmm between her blushing thighs
a fire burns low in her, jewel-bright embers
so close – no mind – but the flesh remembers
she thrashes in the arms of the cold night air
she is undone; whines in prayer;
for more – oh God –
for more, my God,
Midnight, the hand on her shoulder, under her chin, fingers press bruises into the skin,
she breathes the drunken damp of his breath. His eyes are like her father's eyes
they scare her half to death, and just do it he says, please, Jesus, please.
eases her underwear down to her knees. He's done this before.
he strokes her hair, nuzzles her ear, his whisper is a wordless
with sweat; her bare legs parted
if he was going to stop
then he never would have started.
now you've scars for life, the grey void of post-trauma.
her skin takes his orders; purple, aching, swollen
all she could have given him is spoilt now and stolen
as he pushes her open – wide now, wider
a Hammer horror story crawls scarlet from inside her.
in wild throes , in a crimson ache that only woman knows.
Mother knows best, and at my request, we build the nest
to house our little starling, sparrow, feathered darling.
Our egg is laid, it breathes beneath the skin.
I have built her a home of my blood to nestle in.
Be kind to me. I am a vessel for astounding beauty
with purpose and with duty I paid all prices
made slick wet sacrifices of my monthly pains
thrust far in the dark of the sanitary bin
the gods woke from their ancient sleep
breathed off the dust from their golden cup
drank up, drank deep, deep, deep
and saw my longing to be true
but how could it be false
my love for you,
for visceral, vulnerable, but never broken.
I feed the wolves with my passionate lips,
bellow my love, let pain scream black and spoken
I dream my pleasures, steep myself in sin
that deadly crime